Disclosing that your child has autism needs to be handled very delicately. It goes beyond simply stating what the disorder is and what its symptoms are. For there to be real understanding at a human level, you need to be able to effectively and diplomatically communicate personal information about how autism affects your child, and what their day to day strengths and weaknesses are as a result of their condition.
As previously mentioned, it is mostly a case of trial and error since you do not know how people will react. Then who do you decide to disclose to? A good way to gauge this is if your child ever needs any level of accommodation, service, support, or just some patience and sympathy, revealing their condition can likely help ease the situation. It is not necessary to tell everyone that your child has autism, but even in the situations where you do find that you need to tell someone about it, the level of disclosure varies.
In day to day life, it can be tricky to navigate the waters of how much information is too much or too little to give. What if you need a simple accommodation at the shop? How do you explain your child’s behaviour to strangers at a restaurant? You do not need to always have a detailed explanation of autism in most situations. Most daily encounters will only require you to provide enough information to the parties involved to have a successful interaction and get on with whatever task needs to be done. Remember that you have every right to keep your child’s condition private if you so wish. You do not owe the world an explanation and your comfort comes before anything else.
Still, it can be helpful to classify the types of people you will encounter and how much information each of these groups need. Below are 3 classifications of people based on frequency of meeting and if the autism will affect the relationship:
Group 1: People that need to know
These are people who come into regular contact with your child in such a way that they are affected by your child’s autism. These include:
- Teachers
- Babysitters and hired help
- Close friends
- Immediate and close family members
- No expressive vocabulary by 16 months
- No meaningful two-word phrases (not including imitating or repeating) by 24 months
- Any loss of speech, babbling or social skills at any age
- Does not respond to name by 12 months
Group 2: People you come in frequent contact with
These are people your child sees often, but not often enough that their autism might be a problem in their interaction. You may decide to tell them just enough about your child’s condition to get by. These include:
- Extended family
- Friends
- Classmates
- No gestures such as pointing, showing, reaching or waving by 12 months
- No expressive vocabulary by 16 months
- No meaningful two-word phrases (not including imitating or repeating) by 24 months
- Any loss of speech, babbling or social skills at any age
- Does not respond to name by 12 months
Group 3: People who do not need to know
This final group involves people you and your child do not have a personal relationship with, including:
- Shopkeepers
- Neighbors
- Acquaintances
- Strangers, etc
- No expressive vocabulary by 16 months
- No meaningful two-word phrases (not including imitating or repeating) by 24 months
- Any loss of speech, babbling or social skills at any age
- Does not respond to name by 12 months
Disclosing that your child has autism is a personal matter, and you should treat it as such. However, if the people around your child know about autism, it can lead to an immediate increase in the quality of life of your child. Hence, make a calculated decision whenever disclosing. Only disclose if your child will benefit from it directly.
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